I Wouldn't Mind Getting the Mail
by MildlyInsane
Summary: Metalocalypse. Dethklok. Toki wouldn't mind getting the mail... for once. Now he gets to. What kind of wonderful surprises will he encounter? Please read and review.
1. For Once

**_xxxxxx_**

It was such an exciting day for Toki. For the first time ever, he was in charge of getting the mail. He knew it did not seem like a big deal to anyone else, but the rest of the band actually trusted him to get the mail! And to him, that was a big deal.

He had dreamed of what it would be like to get the mail. He would casually stroll out to the mail box, waving to any of the Dethklok employees who happened to be standing about near the mail box. He would open the mail box. He would peer inside... Inside, there would lie numerous crisp envelopes, full of wonderful surprises. Who knew what was inside of those envelopes? Was it a letter? A bill? In his dreams, Toki would take the stack of envelopes in his hands, and hold them for a moment, cherishing the time. He would shuffle through the stack, looking to see whose name was on each one. He would look at the return addresses, to see who had sent each one. The most exciting part of his dreams was always when he would see a letter that had his name written on it.

Toki didn't get a lot of mail. He was never in charge of getting the mail from the mail box. Who knows who was in charge. Perhaps Ofdensen, or another Dethklok employee? At any rate, any mail that was addressed to Toki never reached it's destination.

None of the other Dethklok band members quite understood Toki's desire to get the mail. Perhaps he just really liked getting letters, or maybe when he was young, he was never allowed to get the mail at his house, and now that he was older, he wanted to ensure that he could always get the mail. Not because it mattered, but just because he was in control, and could get the mail if he felt like it.

Toki had finally convinced his band mates to let him get the mail, for once. The night before he was so excited that he could hardly sleep. He had made sure to get up early enough to be awake when the mail man arrived, which was usually in the afternoons, but he still had to set an allarm.

* * *

Toki watched out the window, waiting for the mail man. It was quite a distance to the mail box, so Toki watched with binoculars. After sitting at the window, drinking numerous beers, Toki finally saw the mail man approach. He stuck a large stack of envelopes into the mail box. Toki may have just been imagining things, but he could swear that he saw the mail man actually put a small package in the mail box before he drove off. Toki grinned excitedly, and ran down the stairs, and out the front door, to take the long hike out to the mail box.

Toki had always wanted to get the mail, but had never gotten the chance. He could not remember the last time he was so excited. He wanted to run to the mail box, because the anticipation was killing him, but he also wanted to take his time, to enjoy this opportunity.

He may never get a chance to be allowed to get the mail again. For this one time, his band mates and Ofdensen allowed him to get the mail. He had begged them over and over again, and it had finally paid off. Toki started on his walk which would most likely take about 10 minutes. It was a long 10 minute walk to the mail box, but he didn't want to rush through this exciting time.

Toki wondered if there was any mail for him. He wondered what was inside of the package. He could hardly believe this excitement was true. He was actually going to get the mail! This was the greatest day ever.

**_xxxxxx_**

**_Ha ha... Because Toki said, "I wouldn't mind getting the mail... For once..." Ha ha ha ha... You know... on the DVD extras... On the band interviews?? He said it... Ahem... I'm sorry._**

**_Also, there will be another chapter, whether you like it or not. Maybe even more than one. That's right. I'm going to write a chapter story about Toki getting the mail... You can review it if you think it is worthy. I wouldn't mind._**


	2. Getting Those Mails

**_xxxxxx_**

Toki walked happily down the long gravel path that led to the mail box. Before he was half way there, he heard someone walking behind him. He turned around to see who it was, but whomever had been there had run off into the nearby bushes. Toki could see the plants moving. He walked over to the bushes, and peeked through the leaves.

"Who's in dere?" he asked, peering through the shadows of the bush. As he continued to look, he was startled by someone jumping out of the bushes at him. Whomever it was knocked him to the ground, and pinned him there.

At first Toki was afraid, but when he saw who it was, he felt much better, "Hello, yard wol-lev," he greeted the yard wolf who stood on top of him, growling, "I's goings to gets de mails."

The yard wolf continued to growl, and prepared to bite Toki's throat, but Toki pushed the yard wolf off of him and stood up, "You wants a come withs me to gets de mails, yard wol-lev?" he asked to the wolf, who had stopped growling, and was now just looking at him.

"Well," Toki began, "I's goings to go gets dose mails. You can comes if you wants."

He walked away from the wolf, who ran back into the bushes. After a few more minutes of walking, Toki reached the mail box. He opened it and peered inside. What he saw was astounding. The mail box was completely full. There must have been 20 letters in there, and also the package.

Toki grinned and pulled all of the parcels out of the mail box. This was so exciting. He first looked at the small package. It had Murderface's name on it. Toki didn't care. He needed to see what was inside. Well, he wanted to see, and his desire felt like a need, so he opened the package and peered at it's contents.

Inside the box was a very odd looking knife. It had spurs sticking out from the blade, and it looked like it would be a very painful way to die. Toki picked up the knife and stabbed it into the wooden part of the mail box. He laughed and tried to pull it back out, but the spurs had gotten caught in the wood. He put down the rest of the envelopes, and pulled at the knife, but it was very much stuck. Toki looked up at Mordhaus, hoping that Murderface wasn't watching him. He would be angry if he knew that Toki had opened a package meant for him. He would be even more angry yet to know that Toki had gotten his knife caught stabbed into the post on which the mail box sat.

Toki decided that he would just leave the knife there for now. He looked at the rest of the letters. There were a few addressed to Ofdensen. They were from boring places, like things about bills and financial stuff. Toki didn't care about that. If he wanted to be bored, he could just listen to Ofdensen when he talked to the band.

Toki shuffled through more of the envelopes. There was one to Pickles. It was from an alcohol company. Toki held the letter up to the light to see if he could see what was inside of it, but this approach didn't work, so he opened up the envelope, and poured it's contents into his other hand. There was a lengthy letter, and a few coupons.

_"Due to your frequent purchase of our products, please accept these coupons for your future use,"_the letter read. It went on to say a lot about the quality of their product and how they valued customers and whatnot. Boring... Toki examined the next letter.

This one was addressed to Nathan. It was from contact lense company. They wanted to offer Nathan an endorsement deal. Why would a contact lense company want an endorsement with Nathan? Toki wondered. He threw that letter into the empty box which once held Murderface's knife, and he then looked at the next letter.

It was another letter addressed to Pickles. This one was from a different alcohol company. Toki sighed. These letters were all boring. He looked through the stack: One for Skwisgaar, another one for Pickles, from yet another alcohol company, one for Nathan, Murderface, Pickles again, Toki... TOKI! There was one for him! He threw the other letters down into the box with Nathan's endorsement deal letter, and opened the one that was addressed to him.

It was from a credit card company. Did he want a credit card? Hell yes. He took out his dethphone and called the number on the letter. Within a few minutes, he was signed up for another credit card. He had so many already, and he didn't know where most of them were, but of course he could always use another one.

He picked up the remaining letters and looked through them: One for Muderface, Pickles again... from yet ANOTHER alcohol company, Nathan, Pickles, Pickles, Pickles, Skwisgaar, Nathan, Pickles, Pickles, Toki. Yes! Another one for him. He opened it. This letter offered him an endorsement deal with a chocolate milk syrup company. He loved chocolate syrup. He got his dethphone back out and called up the company.

Now he had another endorsement deal. There were two letters left, and they were both for Pickles. Toki gathered up all of the letters, but threw the empty package into the bushes. He didn't want Murderface to know that he got his knife stuck on the mail box post.

With all of the letters in a chaotic disorganized stack, he walked up the path toward Mordhaus. When he got inside, he put all of the letters in a messy pile on the coffee table in the main room.

"I gots de mails!" Toki yelled, but the rest of the band was still sleeping. Toki took a few beers out of the refrigerator and sat down with them. He opened all of the letters that he hadn't opened outside. They weren't really very interesting. He laid down and fell asleep with all of the open letters covering his legs and stomach. Getting the mail sure was fun. Hopefully he would do it again tomorrow.

**_xxxxxx_**

**_Ha ha ha ha! This is the most boring story I've ever written... I don't know if I can stand to write anymore of it... I think I'm done..._**


End file.
